Several years ago, I found myself sitting in a coffee shop with a friend, discussing the paths our lives were taking, and whether we should follow or change them. “I just don’t know what God wants for me,” I lamented.
“Maybe,” he offered, “God is asking you what you want.”
What did I want? In that moment, I couldn’t answer the question. Sometimes it’s hard to know our own desires.
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“Whatever you want more of, put that front and center.”
–Michelle Martello
This piece of advice came to me in a Marie Forleo email about website design, but it also struck me as great life advice.
If I want more time with my family, it has to be front and center. If I want more personal growth, it has to be front and centre. If I want more of a spiritual life, it has to be front and centre.
But sometimes what I feel I want more of doesn’t line up with what is actually, currently, front and centre in my life.
Maybe I want more time with family, but my career is front and centre. Maybe I want more personal growth, but social events are front and centre. Maybe I want more of a spiritual life, but my hobbies are front and centre.
Sometimes what we think or say is important to us isn’t actually what we live out.
Not sure what you’re putting front and centre?
Have you ever been in the midst of an agonizing decision, and had someone offer this annoying piece of advice: “It’s really simple! What do you actually want?”
And you can’t answer the question, because the whole point of why the decision is agonizing is that you don’t know what you want? And even if you did know, you aren’t sure it would be the right thing? And you kind of want option A, but another part of you wants option B?
The struggle is real.
Knowing your own desire is key in the discernment process.
Why?
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One of the most frequent issues that arises almost every time I talk about discernment is the role of personal desire in spiritual and practical discernment.
It might take the form of, “how do I know that this is what God wants and not just what I want?” or “I really want x, and so it’s probably not what I should do,” or, “I have always wanted to do y, but that’s irrelevant, right?”
Is personal desire something that belongs in discernment? Or is it the kind of thing that we should just disregard because it’s a massive distraction from what is really meant to be happening? How do I know if I can trust my desire?
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Have you ever found yourself asking God to speak to you, while hoping He’ll only say one particular thing?
“God do you want me to take this new job? Please say yes.”
But then you worry that your desire for only one answer makes you not really open to listening?
“I know it could be not the right job, but it’d be really great if it were the right job so… yes?”
You’re in a spot where you want to “be open,” but you don’t really feel open. You feel like you know what you want to hear.
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