Giving up milk is tough when you love coffee, but it’s even tougher when brie is one of your favourite foods. Several years ago, a friend suggested that I try giving up dairy as a solution to the cystic acne I had experienced my entire life. Despite my love of soft, French cheese, I decided to give it a go. Within 4 weeks I was starting to see a real change, and 10 weeks later my skin was totally different. I wasn’t in pain from cysts and the red spots on my face and neck had virtually disappeared. Needless to say, I was a convert.
But a different friend was incredulous. “No dairy? Not even a little milk in your coffee?” She asked. “I could never give it up completely. I just need a bit.” The truth is, I didn’t have a choice- having a little milk in my coffee produced almost the same reaction as eating an entire wheel of brie. And obviously, if I was going to indulge, I’d rather have more than less!
you struggle to do everything perfectly, if you labour over the last tiny
detail of every little thing, if you are afraid to ever show your work to
anyone before it has reached complete perfection, you might be a perfectionist.
Perfectionism is a burden, but it’s also a privilege. If you have an entire essay to write in the next 8 hours, labouring over comma placement in one sentence becomes a privilege you no longer have. If your manager expects 10 reports on his desk by Monday morning, you don’t have the luxury of hours spent formatting margins within 1/8 inch.
difficult situation arises, what’s your default mode of approach? Are you
willing to charge into the conflict, head-first? Or do you just want to curl up
in a ball and make everyone go away?
Knowing your tendencies can go a long way in improving your response to conflict in all sorts of relationships. Nicky and Sila Lee, authors of The Marriage Book, offer two pictures of how people deal with conflict: becoming either a rhinoceros, or a hedgehog.
If you tend
to be a “rhino”, chances are you’re willing to get aggressive when dealing with
difficult issues. You’ll want to ‘have it out’ in a fight, rather than walk
away from the problem. A rhino charges straight in, horn pointed and ready to attack.
But if you’re
a “hedgehog”, you’re much more likely to want to avoid conflict. When things
get challenging, you’ll want to stop the conflict by shutting down. A hedgehog
curls up in a ball and sticks its prickly spines out so no one can hurt it.
Here’s a fun little quiz. Let’s say you need to buy a blender. You want one that will let you make soup in the winter and margaritas in the summer. What do you do? (If you don’t care about blenders, substitute “computer,” “car,” or any other significant purchase.)
||A|| Go to your nearest appliance store, and choose one that looks good.
||B|| Go to your nearest appliance store, ask the clerk for a recommendation, and buy the one he recommends.
||C|| Search Amazon for “blender for soup and margaritas”, read the 3 best and 3 worst reviews of the top 2 options, and buy the one that seems best.
||D|| Start by googling “blender for soup and margaritas,” and read several personal blogger reviews, before going over to Amazon and reading every single customer review for each blender that made the top blogger ratings, as well as some that didn’t. Check Consumer Reports ratings and compare. Visit five different local shops to talk to clerks about what they might recommend. Show them the highlighted spreadsheets you have made of each blender, its pros and cons, customer ratings, and price variations. Two months later, decide that none of the blenders out there are exactly what you want, and so you will just wait until they make the right one. Continue Reading
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